In Memory of Kristi

It has now been one week since my dear sweet cousin Kristi left us for her eternal home in heaven. I still can't believe what has happened. I drive past their house on the way down the driveway to mine and I just keep expecting her to be walking to her car. Everything just feels so surreal, like I'm in a bad dream that I just can't wake up from. I've never expereinced a death like this before. I thought when my grandmother died in 2001, that it was the most traumatic thing I had ever been through, but I was wrong. When my grandmother died, we knew that was going to be the outcome, because she had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a month before. But Kristi's death wasn't like that. One minute we were getting everyone ready to go swimming, and the next, we are praying that this nightmare would go away. I know God had his hand on Kristi and on my family, because the very pool she drowned in was the one that we were headed to. Had my cousin not found her, it would have been us. I don't think I could have dealt with that on top of her death.

One thing that I have learned during all this, is that we are not promised tomorrow. We do not know the hour or the day that God will call us home. We all need to be ready for the moment. Kristi was ready for her moment. She was very strong in her faith. She loved the Lord, and I know that HE is using her life and death to bring others to Christ. I'm making it my mission to remind everyone just how precious life is. Do not take it for granted. And don't think for one second that your life doesn't matter, because it does.

I'm Legally their Mom!

As of 8:55 a.m., Friday, April 24, 2009, I am officially the mother of 2 more children! I am so glad to have this day come and go. Now I can just be their Mom. No more calling the social worker to see if I can do something with them, no getting approval to take them out of state, no worrying about how my house looks when she comes over, and most importantly, I can call them by their adopted names everywhere I go!

I could have never dreamed what this last year would be like. I could never have seen me the mother of 3 children, especially the mother of twins! God had a plan for our lives all along. He knew what was going to happen long before we did.

God has been so tremendously good to us. I thank him everyday for my children. They are the light of our lives and they have made us a family. I hope they all grow up knowing how special they are and wanted.

Thank you God for Cade Joseph, Sierra Virginia, & Trace Philip!

Wow what a year!

I've been thinking this week about what was going on in our life this time last year. You know, the week before Easter. Last year we were a family on 3, with no idea what God had in store for us. We were busily and excitedly getting ready for our Easter trip to the Smoky Mountians in Tennessee. Little did I know that on our way home from that great family trip would we get a call that would change the dynamics of our family.

Imagine if you will riding along the interstate about 2 hours from home and your cell phone rings. On the line is your social worker who you are surpised to here from since she has not called you in 3 months since she recertified your foster/adopt home license. Anyway, she goes on to ask me if I had a few minutes to talk. Sure, I'm going down the road doing nothing else! She proceeds to tell me about a set of twins born 8 weeks premature that are just a week old and the parents are giving them up for adoption. Would we be interested? I was in total shock! We always knew that one day we would get a call about another adoptive placement, but never in my dreams would I have thought we would get a call about TWINS!

My heart wanted to immediately say YES! But my mind made me say, we'll think about it. I was so torn about what the best thing for our family and these babies would be. I thought about the logistics of taking care of twins. Could I do that? Cade was such a hard baby to deal with, what if they both ended up being as needed as he was? Would I get any sleep? Could I still work? (which I really needed to!) How would we pay for daycare? How long would it take for the adoption to go through? All these questions swirled around us for several days. It was also during this time that I found my way to an adoption website where I met a group of awesome ladies that shared their experiences and concerns with parenting premature newborns. Because of the support I received from them and our family, we were able to make our decision.

We excited called our worker and told her we wanted them. Then we had to wait what seemed like an eternity. I wondered if we really were going to get them, or were the parents changing their minds. I knew that we were the only family that they talked to about them, but since we had to wait so long, I began to wonder. I'll never forget the day that their social worker called to let me know we could start visiting them in the NICU. Mickey and I went there very anxious to see these little babies. Needless to say, when I first saw those tiny little faces I knew that they were my babies! As I held each one I began to imagine how our life was about to change for the better. I could see their personalities already appearing too!

Now here we are 1 year later, on the verge of another Easter weekend. In a little over two weeks, we will be finalizing their adoption as our children forever. I look back at this past year and I'm amazed at what God has given us. He has blessed us with lots of patience, peace, joy, and love. He has brought wonderful people into our lives to help us on this family journey. He has given me a terrific support group to share my joys and vents. Most importantly, he has given me two perfectly happy and content babies that have me wrapped around their little fingers! I've survived the sleepless nights, I've been able to keep my job, and I've been blessed with wonderful in-laws to provide childcare.

Many years ago I heard that statement "God gives you the desires of your heart." I've held onto that for 15 years knowing that one day I would receive those desires. It wasn't the way that I thought God would give them to me, but I've learned to let go, and let God handle it. He knew that these 3 precious children that he placed into my care were meant to be my children. I'm so thankful for his goodness and it reigns down upon us!

It's Wednesday!

Today is Wednesday and there is really nothing in particular to write about today. I just got a notice that I had been slacking on keeping up my blog (thanks Erin!). I really forget sometimes that I have started one. My life has been so busy lately! We've had two birthday parties in the last two weekends. The twins celebrated their 1st birthday on 3/19 and we had their big party on 3/21. My mother-in-law's bday was 3/25, and my lovely sister-in-law (not my favorite) decided that we should give her a surprise party and that my house is where it should be. So, this past Sunday, we had a surprise party for her. Now this weekend we are going to have a birthday party for my twin nephews on Sat. (thankfully not at my house!) and then on Sunday we are having our families over for an Easter together on Palm Sunday (that way everyone will not be rushed on Easter Sunday and can spend it with their individual families) at OUR HOUSE! I admit, Easter has always been our holiday to host since we built our house in 2002. I envisioned my neices and nephews being able to find Easter Eggs in our front yard amongst the oaks! Its now a tradition and we always do it on Palm Sunday. So, I'm looking forward to it, but I'm just plain worn out by having everyone over for 3 weekends in a row! Not to mention, but we are also planning the twins adoption party for 4/25, but we decided to have it at our church. (Woo hoo!) That reminds me, I need to get busy making invitations to the party!

Me Time

Like many mothers in this world, I don't get alot of "me time". Yesterday was a perfect example. I got home around 4:45 only to set down with Cade to do homework. After that I started dinner. While that was going on I was unloading/loading the dishwasher, washing clothes, and organizing my plasitc containers cabinet. I also put the twins in the high chairs and gave them baby cookies to keep them from getting underfoot. You might ask, "where was Mickey during this time?" Well, he was happily sitting in his recliner playing a video game! I was so aggravated with him! Several times I asked him to get Cade to get his bath, check on him, etc. Finnally after I had dinner ready and Cade was still in the bathroom (for over 30 min.!) I asked him to stop playing! I mean, I had been home for almost 2 hours by then, and the whole time he was playing! He had no problem letting me handle everything last night.

Anyway, after I ate my dinner, I still had to feed the twins and get them bathed (another 45 min. gone!) Finnally at 8:00 I was able to lock myself in the bathroom and get a bath. I also enjoyed a Fuzzy Navel wine cooler in peace and quiet! (Hey, it may have not been a "real" fuzzy navel, but I'll take what I can get!) I'm not much of an alchoholic drinker, but there are times that I really need a drink to unwind, and last night was one of them!

It's been a really sick year!

Today is only February 10, and I have already been to the doctor's office like 8 times, not to mention my 5 day stay in the hospital! I'm so over being sick or having my kids sick! We started off the first weekend of the year sick and it seems like every week someone else is sick with something. I have missed so much work and been to the dr. so much that yesterday when I brought Cade to the dr., the nurse actually said they should just add me to the payroll! She predicted that I would be back before the week was out with Sierra. I was in there last week with Trace and we found out he had the flu! The bad part is that Sierra woke up with a fever this morning and I'm praying its just because she is cutting two more teeth! PLEASE GOD DON'T LET HER GET SICK WITH THE FLU TOO!

My poor Cade right now has strep throat and he just breaks my heart when he is this sick! Last night when I was helping him get bathed, he was having a really hard time. He looked up at me with sad, teary eyes and said "Mama, I just don't know what to do?". It was all I could do to not cry myself! I wished so much that I had a fairy wand to wave over his head and make him all better again! I hate to see my kids sick! Not only do you feel helpless when they look at you like why am I hurting, but it puts so much stress on me to be there for the sick one and take care of the well ones and keep them from getting sick too!

Anyway, I'm so looking forward to being able to go a whole week without someone in my house having a fever, runny nose, or cough!

Letting Go

The other night as I was going to bed, I couldn't sleep. I began to do what I call "night dreaming", you know like day dreaming but it happens at night. Anyway, I was laying there and as I had done on numerous occassions over the last 14 years I've been married, I began to night dream. In the past I usually only "night dreamed" about one day being pregnant, telling everyone that we were, going through the delivery, seeing my beautifual baby, etc. I had not done this in quite some time (probaby due to the fact that I rarely can't sleep since the twins have been home!) Anyway, my mind started to go that direction, when all the subben, I realized that I didn't really "feel like it" anymore. I think it was my soul's way of telling my brain, that there is no need for this type of "night dreaming" anymore. I've been triple blessed with beautiful babies, that even though they are not born of my body, but born of my heart. I truly felt like I could "let go" of that dream. It was a great moment of clarity and satisfaction. The next day however, I had a different moment. I began to feel nauseated continually for two days. While talking to my sister-in-law about it, she said "you sure you aren't pregnant?" I hadn't even had that thought run through my mind, so it took me off guard. I began to wonder, could I? I mean in some ways that would be cruel and exciting at the same time. I had just come to the certainity that I was the mother of a spirited 5 yr old boy and very busy 10 month old twins. How could I even imagine having another baby so close in age to the twins? Don't get me wrong, the other half of me was ecstatic thinking we finally conceived! I just didn't know how to put my thoughts into words are how to tell my hubby. Well, it just so happened that I had my annual exam scheduled for yesterday, so I knew that I needed to see if what I was thinking was right. Well, I'm glad to say, "I'm not pregnant!" I was actually relieved to say the least. I haven't entirely given up that if God sees fit for me to have a biological child, then he will allow it. I just knew right now wasn't the "time" and I'm thankful that he has given me the right frame of mind to "LET GO"!

It's Saturday, why am I not happy?

Today is Saturday! While I'm so glad the weekend is here, I'm not sure why. I'm stuck in the house all day today with the kids! My lovely hubby is off in the woods deer hunting as I write. I know I should just suck it up. I mean he only has till the end of January to "get that big buck" (although I think he would settle for just about any deer at this moment!) The season has not been the best for hunting. Our weather here has been very hot one minute to cold the next. We have been having weather much like Spring around here for 2 months. When its warm, deer don't go moving around (would you?). I guess I just wish I had something in my life that I could just up and leave my family for an ENTIRE day and do what I want and my darling husband says, "have a good day, see ya this evening!", like I did when he left here at 3:30 a.m. and I was up giving Trace a bottle. I feel that alot of times my husband doesn't truly appreciate me for the person I am. I mean, I am sitting here bored to death with all the kids by myself and no where to go for the next like 10 hours! And when he does get home, he will be too tired and hungry to want to go do anything, let alone take over caring for the kids needs.

Over the holidays he had the pleasure of being off for several days, which was great considering our daycare closed down for two weeks. He had to watch the kids for two days straight, and he was not a happy camper! I told him he just got a taste of what I go through when I'm home by myself. While he was home he also did nothing by way of cleaning up. (I don't ask much, just load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher instead of piling them up on the counter, and taking the stinky trash out!) When I'm home I can clean most of the house and take care of the kids with no problem, but for him thats a different story.

I so need a relaxing day to myself, where I can do what I want. Not what I NEED to do for everyone else. I'm ready for my own "Hunting Day"!

Here I go

Okay, everyone around me seems to have started a blog, so I figured I should do one too. What's there to say but introduce myself. My name is Jerilyn and as you can see, I am a Wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I have been married for 14 years to the love of my life and we have three beautiful children. We adopted our oldest son, Cade, age 5, from our state's foster care system. This past March we were called about a set of boy/girl twins that were eligible for adoption. Trace amd Sierra are now 9 months old and we anticipate on completing their adoption by April of this year. I would never have dreamed that my life would go in the direction that it has, but God knew what we could handle.

I am the oldest of 4 children. I have two sister and a brother who is 13 yrs younger than me! My parents have been fortunate to be married for 34 years and counting. I am extremely close to my family. It seems there isn't a weekend that I'm not off doing something with one of my sisters or my favorite sister-in-law (I can say that cause the other two will probably never see this blog and my SIL and I might as well be sisters!)

I have a huge group of online friends that I would love to meet in person one day. They have been an invaluable source of information and support during this past year and I love each of them to death! (SNA gals!)

I manage to stay in touch with a few of my school friends. My very best friend and I can go weeks without talking to each other and then meet up for lunch and we can pick up right where we left off! We are there to support each other during times of need and celebrations and I know I can call on her for anything!

I've been working in an office of a 1800+ family catholic church for the last 10 years, and I can tell you they have been 10 very interesting years of working with my boss (the resident priest). I'm sure I'll come here to tell some interesting stories that many of you may find hilarious to say the least.

Well, that seems to sum up my life! I can't wait to come here to post my thoughts!