Thursday, January 29, 2009

Letting Go

The other night as I was going to bed, I couldn't sleep. I began to do what I call "night dreaming", you know like day dreaming but it happens at night. Anyway, I was laying there and as I had done on numerous occassions over the last 14 years I've been married, I began to night dream. In the past I usually only "night dreamed" about one day being pregnant, telling everyone that we were, going through the delivery, seeing my beautifual baby, etc. I had not done this in quite some time (probaby due to the fact that I rarely can't sleep since the twins have been home!) Anyway, my mind started to go that direction, when all the subben, I realized that I didn't really "feel like it" anymore. I think it was my soul's way of telling my brain, that there is no need for this type of "night dreaming" anymore. I've been triple blessed with beautiful babies, that even though they are not born of my body, but born of my heart. I truly felt like I could "let go" of that dream. It was a great moment of clarity and satisfaction. The next day however, I had a different moment. I began to feel nauseated continually for two days. While talking to my sister-in-law about it, she said "you sure you aren't pregnant?" I hadn't even had that thought run through my mind, so it took me off guard. I began to wonder, could I? I mean in some ways that would be cruel and exciting at the same time. I had just come to the certainity that I was the mother of a spirited 5 yr old boy and very busy 10 month old twins. How could I even imagine having another baby so close in age to the twins? Don't get me wrong, the other half of me was ecstatic thinking we finally conceived! I just didn't know how to put my thoughts into words are how to tell my hubby. Well, it just so happened that I had my annual exam scheduled for yesterday, so I knew that I needed to see if what I was thinking was right. Well, I'm glad to say, "I'm not pregnant!" I was actually relieved to say the least. I haven't entirely given up that if God sees fit for me to have a biological child, then he will allow it. I just knew right now wasn't the "time" and I'm thankful that he has given me the right frame of mind to "LET GO"!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

It's Saturday, why am I not happy?

Today is Saturday! While I'm so glad the weekend is here, I'm not sure why. I'm stuck in the house all day today with the kids! My lovely hubby is off in the woods deer hunting as I write. I know I should just suck it up. I mean he only has till the end of January to "get that big buck" (although I think he would settle for just about any deer at this moment!) The season has not been the best for hunting. Our weather here has been very hot one minute to cold the next. We have been having weather much like Spring around here for 2 months. When its warm, deer don't go moving around (would you?). I guess I just wish I had something in my life that I could just up and leave my family for an ENTIRE day and do what I want and my darling husband says, "have a good day, see ya this evening!", like I did when he left here at 3:30 a.m. and I was up giving Trace a bottle. I feel that alot of times my husband doesn't truly appreciate me for the person I am. I mean, I am sitting here bored to death with all the kids by myself and no where to go for the next like 10 hours! And when he does get home, he will be too tired and hungry to want to go do anything, let alone take over caring for the kids needs.

Over the holidays he had the pleasure of being off for several days, which was great considering our daycare closed down for two weeks. He had to watch the kids for two days straight, and he was not a happy camper! I told him he just got a taste of what I go through when I'm home by myself. While he was home he also did nothing by way of cleaning up. (I don't ask much, just load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher instead of piling them up on the counter, and taking the stinky trash out!) When I'm home I can clean most of the house and take care of the kids with no problem, but for him thats a different story.

I so need a relaxing day to myself, where I can do what I want. Not what I NEED to do for everyone else. I'm ready for my own "Hunting Day"!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Here I go

Okay, everyone around me seems to have started a blog, so I figured I should do one too. What's there to say but introduce myself. My name is Jerilyn and as you can see, I am a Wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I have been married for 14 years to the love of my life and we have three beautiful children. We adopted our oldest son, Cade, age 5, from our state's foster care system. This past March we were called about a set of boy/girl twins that were eligible for adoption. Trace amd Sierra are now 9 months old and we anticipate on completing their adoption by April of this year. I would never have dreamed that my life would go in the direction that it has, but God knew what we could handle.

I am the oldest of 4 children. I have two sister and a brother who is 13 yrs younger than me! My parents have been fortunate to be married for 34 years and counting. I am extremely close to my family. It seems there isn't a weekend that I'm not off doing something with one of my sisters or my favorite sister-in-law (I can say that cause the other two will probably never see this blog and my SIL and I might as well be sisters!)

I have a huge group of online friends that I would love to meet in person one day. They have been an invaluable source of information and support during this past year and I love each of them to death! (SNA gals!)

I manage to stay in touch with a few of my school friends. My very best friend and I can go weeks without talking to each other and then meet up for lunch and we can pick up right where we left off! We are there to support each other during times of need and celebrations and I know I can call on her for anything!

I've been working in an office of a 1800+ family catholic church for the last 10 years, and I can tell you they have been 10 very interesting years of working with my boss (the resident priest). I'm sure I'll come here to tell some interesting stories that many of you may find hilarious to say the least.

Well, that seems to sum up my life! I can't wait to come here to post my thoughts!